Aven Gers, Neus Eeditour
The world was in shock following the news that the intergalactic Mad Titan Thanos had used the power of the Infinity Gauntlet to decrease the world’s population by half. However, students and faculty at SLUM are adapting and even finding positive attributes of the decreased amount of students on campus like the available parking and lighter workload for faculty.
Following a climactic battle between Thanos and the Avengers in the peaceful yet undeveloped African country of Wakanda, Thanos was able to obtain all of the Infinity Stones necessary to complete his goal of wiping out half of the living population.
“Going to bed hungry. Scrounging for scraps. Your planet was on the brink of collapse. I was the one who stopped that,” Thanos told CNN. “You know what’s happened since then? The children born have known nothing but full bellies and clear skies. It’s a paradise.”
While many at SLUM believe the planet was not necessarily on the brink of collapse, students and faculty are finding a variety of silver linings in the situation. One of these silver linings is the much discussed parking situation at SLUM.
“Prior to Thanos wiping out half the population, I would always have trouble finding a parking spot on campus for my 11 a.m. class,” Peter Parker, junior, zoology, said. “With half of the SLUM population disintegrated or whatever, there are always a lot more parking spaces open.”
The Office of Transportation and Parking at SLUM have taken notice of this circumstance as well. Complaints regarding the available parking on campus have decreased exponentially. The office has only received seven complaints about parking since “the snap,” which is a 21,800 percent decrease from last year’s 152,603 complaints filed at this time of year.
With half of the SLUM population now gone, many faculty members are experiencing a much lighter workload as well. This allows SLUM professors to use this extra time to catch up on grading.
“I haven’t entered any of my students’ grades into the gradebook since the first week of class,” Psychology professor Bruce Banner said. “I did not intend on entering any more grades until the last week of the semester, but with less students to grade I can better streamline the grading process. I may even be able to enter the grades two weeks prior to the end of the semester!”
The decrease in time spent grading also provides a chance for professors to learn new skills and programs that they will be able to implement in the classroom for future students.
“Hopefully I can put off learning how to use Canvas for another semester,” English professor Steven Strange said.
SLUM itself is even making the best of the situation the world finds itself in by helping students cope with these troubling times by providing all students and faculty (that are left) with a 50 percent off coupon to use at the Triton Store.