Coma Doze

Struggling to stay awake during class? No worries. Recently, SLUM introduced a new sleeping program for students who have trouble staying awake for an hour during class time. This will cater to students who have failed to find a sleeping schedule that works for them.

The program is set up so that students will be able to pick one or two classes per week to skip. Not feeling anthropology? Statistics got your mind shutting down? Head over to any of the newly installed sleeping pods in the Miscellaneous Sleeping Center, Toe Jam Library, Antisocial Syfy Building or Annihilator Bushel Hall.

This program was initially meant for the University of Sleepy Study to monitor how long certain people could sleep for. It ended up being implemented at SLUM, because students voiced a large need for it. Surprisingly, SLUM students have far surpassed the University of Sleepy Study predicted amount of sleep students need. Their hypothesis was that a student would only be able to sleep a few extra hours, but SLUM students have registered an average of 15 hours per session.

Even though students spend so much time sleeping in the pods, they will still be able to receive attendance credit for these sleeping sessions. All they need to do is bring in a note from the staff managing each sleep zone. They will not be penalized for missing class, as long as they are at their designated sleep zone. This program is significantly helping students’ mental health on campus.

“I love the sleep pods. They shut out all of the light and the inside is filled with so many soft pillows and blankets. Plus, they’re soundproof so I get all the sleep that I miss outside of class time,” said Precious Tempurpedic, junior, mathematics.

Unsurprisingly, students who use the pods frequently have lower grade point averages compared to students who attend class regularly. Many professors have voiced their concerns with the new programs saying that it is causing more students to fail tests because of content they miss during class.

“Yesterday, I had three people attend my 35-person class. THREE. And the ones who are sleeping in those pods come to me and ask me why they are failing. I might as well go sleep in a pod myself,” said Professor Irascible.

Currently, professors are not allowed to use the sleep pods. Fortunately, SLUM is working on a solution for them to have their own sleep zones away from the students. The idea of making it an oasis for professors has been tossed around over the past few weeks. With extra amenities, such as Pina Coladas, hot tubs and spa treatments, professors will most likely never hold class on a regular basis.

So far, the pods have brought both negatives and positives. SLUM professors will have to wait and see what the future holds with their pods.