Sally Turnup, Feechurs Editeur

It would be safe to say that most of the student body here at SLUM have gone out for a night on the town. Whether it be going out to dance, grab a drink or lounge with friends, many of us have taken a load off and enjoyed a night of fun. SLUM has recognized the need for an environment in which students can have fun and be safe. Introducing SLUM district, an underground epicenter of nightlife for all SLUM students 21 and older.

SLUM district will be opening next spring, and construction will begin this summer. It will include a nightclub featuring all of the hottest talent every weekend. SLUM has already booked Cardi B and Drake for the first performance!

SLUM district will also feature a neighborhood of air bnb-style condos for students to crash just in case they’ve had a little too much to drink. They will also be available to book for students looking to hang out for a weekend.  These sleek condos will be styled by Jerry Lorenzo, the owner of “Fear of God” clothing line. It is said that the campus has just gotten funding to include a full-sized Olympic swimming pool in this neighborhood, as well as AI robots that will serve as concierge for the students.

Now that you know you have a place to crash, what about a place to party? The SLUM district will included three nightclubs, two lounges and a karaoke lounge. These nightclubs will include high-end  sound systems, foam machines, and a state of the art cooling system that will release a mist when the club reaches 80 degrees.  There will also be an open bar at each club with drink specials on the weekends. Students can even purchase a “Clubbin Card” for $100 per semester in the SLUM center for free drinks and condo bookings. Students will have free admission to any of the clubs or lounges with their student ID, and can bring a friend along for $20. This $20 will include admission to all the lounges. So if you’re looking for a great night on the town with your friends, this is your spot!

Students are raving about this new nightlife district. Justin Case, senior, goose studies, said, “I’ve been waiting for SLUM to create something like this! To be able to have a safe and fun place to hang out with friends and experience what I’d have to drive a good distance for closer to home is great.”

Now you might be wondering, is a nightclub on campus really the best idea? What measures are going to be taken to help keep the students safe? Campus officials have stated that they will be using our new Geese 2.0 security system for this new addition to campus. The geese will be using their facial recognition as a key part to keeping track of who is entering and exiting the district. Now there were several glitches that came up in the recent conference where this new system was announced, but creative director Mann Move promises that all glitches will be rectified before the opening of SLUM district.

Faculty won’t be allowed admission to SLUM district, so students don’t have to worry about their image being affected. And many students are really happy about this decision. “I think its perfect. I can go out with my friends without having to worry about what my teachers may think of me the next day. We’ve all had embarrassing moments,” said Club Hopper, senior, science.

SLUM district will be an awesome place to meet up with friends and have a good time. You’ll be able to have a great night at a cheap price, and even crash if you need to. The campus is looking to hear feedback from its students, so if you want to share your thoughts or ideas there will be a conference in the Slumming Around Conference building this Wednesday at 3 p.m.