Crabby Da Vinci

“Wow, so inspired,” cooed the council of art historians gathered at SLUM last Friday. “Who is the artist?”

“That would be the SLUM maintenance department,” responded chief custodian, Calvin Clean (no relation to Mr. Clean). “We take our job very seriously.”

Indeed, the SLUM maintenance department has been working hard to revamp its image in light of an ongoing troll infestation. The campaign started Jan. 1 aims to introduce a new level of sophistication and beauty to the SLUM campus by incorporating pieces of contemporary art. The newest installation has been in the works for weeks and entails a series of seemingly-random-yet-pervasive corners of disheveled ceiling tiles. Custodian Clean explained,

“The disheveled tiles attempt to draw the eye upwards and create interest in previously uninspired crevices, each with meaningful tie-in to the student experience. The tiles located throughout ProHo symbolize the messy, jarring nature of going away to college and beginning a degree. The tiles in Slow Scripts Hall embody the gaping, vacant hole in your personal life when you take 18 credit hours a semester.”

The installations have been met with glowing reviews by local artists and scathing, dismissive statements by others.

“I could have done that,” said one man who has never attempted artwork before.

“Yeah, but you didn’t. That’s the point,” said another who wants to appear an authority on art.

Regardless of perspective on contemporary art, the work of SLUM maintenance goes to show that custodial workers are more than meets the eye, and true art can come from anywhere.

“People think we just walk around hammering stuff,” said Clean. “I want them to know we also move things around in half-finished projects and leave them like that when we run out of money.”