By Quill Twiddler, Sports Editor

The St. Louis University of Missouri quidditch team took to the pitch again on March 31 against the Southern University of South Carolina (SUSC), winning over the course of a two-day marathon that saw three seasons worth of varied weather pummel the field and players. Despite the poor conditions upon the game’s conclusion, the SLUM Forks emerged victorious with a resounding 1230-170 victory after relief seeker Perry Hotter, junior, divination and muggle studies, finally wrapped his hand around the golden snitch to bring an end to the competition.

“It was definitely a thrilling experience,” said Hotter. “As the sport of quidditch is only played with seven players with no substitutions allowed barring multiday games, benchwarmers like myself rarely find our time to shine. I had to be reminded at various points that I was looking for that little golden ball!”

Indeed, this was the first time any of the 13 bench players for SLUM were given playtime this season, and most certainly looked a little green. Several hours into day two of the matchup, which took place on April 1, Jess Tiss, sophomore, defense against the dark arts, one of the Forks’ beaters, accidentally smashed one of the bludgers—big iron balls bewitched to throw themselves haphazardly at both teams’ players—careening toward one of her own teammates.

This might not have been Tiss’s fault entirely, however, as the weather during the latter half of day one and into day two took a drastic turn for the worse. What started out as a sunny afternoon with little cloud coverage soon turned into a horrendous lightning storm. By the time Hotter had subbed in, the rain had since turned into snow. The referees were astounded by such crazy weather patterns, but the coaches of SLUM were aptly prepared.

“Growing up in St. Louis, we always had this saying ‘If you don’t like the weather, wait ten minutes’,” said head coach Rob You-Blind. “These two days were a testament to that completely original statement that no other city or state’s residents ever say. Fortunately, as I’ve always been accustomed to quick changes in weather, I’ve had my players practice in artificial snow and rain. I can’t even tell you how I got the lightning to work in our training!”

The extra practice, which is held at You-Blind’s own weather-creating facility (he says it is magic), is even available for public access to at a rate of $100/hour. Clearly the practice had its pros, as SLUM were hardly scratched by the lightning, only needing three broomsticks replaced to SUSC’s 12. However, neither team was prepared for the torrential downpour or the snow that would follow suit. The conditions left both team’s seekers practically blind and unable to find the snitch, the only way to end a game.

Scoring for the home team was on point, though, and Jack Cheese, senior, herbology, did most of work with 950 of the team’s points. It was the highest amount of scoring he has managed in his collegiate quidditch career.

SLUM quidditch next plays Salem College in an away matchup on April 6.

Major League Quidditch logo Courtesy of MLQ
Major League Quidditch logo
Courtesy of MLQ